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Stephen Colbert Says Trump Fancies Himself a Rock Star


Stephen Colbert Says Trump Fancies Himself a Rock Star

One of Trump’s tweets suggested that the only people who can draw crowds like he does are those who “play a guitar.”

“Trump really wanted a big crowd for this. He was pushing it like a co-worker with an improv show.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“He sees himself as a rock star, you know. [Imitating Trump, to the tune of Billy Idol’s ‘White Wedding’] ‘It’s a nice day for a white rally.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

Facebook announced plans on Tuesday to introduce its own version of cryptocurrency called Libra.

“I don’t know how I feel about this, because I don’t want to mix Facebook with my banking. Yeah, it will be like, do you want to move money to this account? Yes. Do you want to invest here? Yes. Do you want to come to Kimberly’s baby shower? Yes. No, no, no, no, no! Undo!” — TREVOR NOAH

“This is an exciting move for Facebook and I know some of you are asking — you’re going, ‘Trevor, how can we trust that Facebook’s currency will be secure?’ Because, guys, they said they promise.” — TREVOR NOAH

“Finally, something for everyone thinking, ‘I wish there was a way to give that company stained by years of privacy abuse my bank information!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Yeah, the company that can’t even keep your data safe now wants to keep your money. It’s like someone dropping a carton of eggs, and asking if they can hold your baby.” — JIMMY FALLON

“The president is very mad right now at his BFFs at Fox News. Their latest polling showed him trailing five Democratic candidates. Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris and Pete Buttigieg polled ahead of Trump, some well ahead of Trump. So Fox News did something inexcusable: They reported this on television, which made the orange man very red.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Something weird going on at Fox. They’ve started reporting — and I hope I’m pronouncing this right — the truth?” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“This is a shame, because you hate to see a couple fighting in public.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Fox News, you pledged to be there for him for better or worse. Keep this up, and he’s going to leave you for a younger network.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“If Trump can’t trust Fox, what’s he going to do? His only source of news will be Snapple caps.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

At the top of “The Late Late Show” on Tuesday, James Corden apologized for a scheduling conflict that kept the actor Jake Gyllenhaal from appearing. So it was a big surprise when Gyllenhaal popped up to perform a Whitney Houston parody: “The Greatest Gyllenhaal of All.”

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