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No, The ‘D’ Doesn’t Stand for Donald
“It’s the anniversary of D-Day, when we beat the Nazis, once and for until very recently. Pretty good run, you gotta say, pretty good run, 75 years.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
During a news conference with President Emmanuel Macron, a reporter asked if Trump would lead America in defense of France again. Stephen Colbert, as Trump, responded affirmatively.
“Absolutely. I’d be right there. Especially now that those World War II soldiers are so old and easy to fight. I mean, just bingity-bangity-boom, nighty-night, grandpa, beach saved!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
With Trump Away, Republicans Get Frisky
Colbert also weighed in on the continuing fight over Trump’s threat to impose tariffs on Mexico.
“Everyone is gonna feel these tariffs. Our top four agricultural imports from Mexico are beer, avocados, tomatoes and tequila. Trump is putting a tariff on summer!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The “Late Show” host was particularly amused by a headline that said the tariffs had congressional Republicans flirting with rebellion.
“Flirting with rebellion! That could lead to a dalliance with integrity, maybe making eyes at governance, and then at the Christmas party, a drunken hookup with defending the Constitution.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
In the meantime, Senator Mitch McConnell hopes Mexican officials can dissuade Trump from imposing the tariffs by cracking down on migrants.
“In other words, McConnell wants the Mexicans to do the jobs American politicians won’t do.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Trump in Europe Edition)
“France has so many interesting places. There’s the hunchback church, there’s old penis tower, that’s famous. There’s the place where the naked ladies dance, the workers down in the croissant mines, their famous toast museum, and of course the academy of tongue kiss.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, again in character as Trump
“Did you know Trump has a golf course in Ireland? True story. It cost him $41 million and has never turned a profit. That’s true. In other words, it’s his most successful property.” — CONAN O’BRIEN, on Trump’s visit to Ireland
The Bits Worth Watching
Trevor Noah dove deep into Elizabeth Warren’s candidacy in a segment “The Daily Show” is calling “Getting to Know Dem.”
Meanwhile, Desus and Mero brought Pete Buttigieg uptown to sample some sushi, smoke hookah and bond over being “senior millennials.”
Ava DuVernay’s Netflix mini-series about the Central Park Five, “When They See Us,” has stirred public ire against Linda Fairstein, who ran the Manhattan district attorney’s sex crimes unit when the five black and Latino teenagers were wrongly convicted of a horrific rape. Now Fairstein, played by Felicity Huffman in the series, has resigned from several boards, but she says the show’s depiction of her is “grossly and maliciously inaccurate.”